Dave Zohrob sold BASIC programming tutorials via mail order at age 14, establishing a business model where strangers sent cash to his parents' house—perfect training for venture capital.

He grew up in Farmington Hills, Michigan, and studied computer science at the University of Michigan. After a brief stint at Microsoft, Dave blew his savings on an experimental music label. Best seller: 1,500 copies. The label went broke, teaching Dave that bankruptcy is just startup school with a better soundtrack.

He then helped HOTorNOT rate human attractiveness with "fierce data-driven precision" before becoming AngelList's "Venture Hacker #7," a title that sounds like someone who got cut from Ocean's Eleven for being too disruptive.

Dave's true calling emerged when his podcast inexplicably gained 1,000 downloads. Unable to explain this catastrophe, he built Chartable to track a billion monthly podcast downloads while developing existential dread so visible his toddlers noticed Daddy's thousand-yard stare over breakfast.

Spotify bought Chartable in 2022. "The existential dread being gone, that's quite valuable," Dave noted, suggesting Spotify paid handsomely to cure anxiety.

Today Dave runs Unison Labs, because apparently the only thing more soothing than selling a podcast analytics company is naming your next startup after the concept of everyone singing the exact same note at the exact same time—no harmony, no variation, just Dave and his new existential dread, perfectly synchronized.

A computer game he wrote in childhood featured planets hovering above the lunar surface. "Don't ask me why," Dave said. "It made sense at the time."

Silicon Valley has never produced a more honest mission statement.